Ok. So. You may have noticed that it’s all gone a bit quiet on the blog front. Where have I been? I hear you ask. Well i’ll tell you, I haven’t posted since I decided to get up and get back to my job. In Paris. Unsurprisingly, this involved actually moving to another country and temporarily living with a friend and her boyfriend in their room (was interesting to say the least) then moving into another apartment with a new friend and her cat.
Then there was the whole work prospect of picking up where I left off, which actually wasn’t hard at all. After getting over the daily morning struggle to wake up and leave the flat in the morning, once I was at work it was fine. I say fine, I had the occasional What Am I Doing With My Life moment whilst pretending to dance around in a manner that resembles a certain rabbit. (I’ve decided that thinking this is only normal, all things considered) But being at work gave me a sense of purpose again, which not gonna lie, felt pretty good. And so all this just lately made me realise, that 1. I’m long overdue a blog post and 2. this was actually big step.
That’s the thing once you get ‘better’. Sometimes you get so caught up trying to survive each day that you forget to recognise your progress. You’re too busy trying to keep afloat with this new way of living, (and by that I mean, going from playing The Sims all day and night or only getting up so you can watch two seasons of Nashville in the wrong order, to actually having a functional life resembling that of a normal person) that you don’t realise that you’ve come out of that long tunnel. You are where, at one point you didn’t even think was possible. And that’s crazy, mind the pun. Good crazy. And this just goes to show, that you can come out of that depression you were once consumed by. Yeah, it’ll be difficult, you’ll have set backs, you’ll have days where you wanna binge watch 90210 in bed and eat only cereal. You’ll still have days or weeks of not feeling yourself, not wanting to do anything productive (like a blog post). Even experiencing that horrible feeling of not caring about anything but trying to care about everything at once (which is pretty overwhelming and gives you an idea of what my mornings are usually like) but you’re doing it, you’re swimming and Dory would be impressed.
So what I’m saying is, (yes this rambling on about my life recently has a point here) coming out of a depressive episode is one thing, but once you’re out it’s another. But you’re living again. And you can do it. And it’s okay to listen to your Nashville playlist at 2am writing that blog post you’ve been meaning to do. Or buying those clothes that were looooong overdue. If it makes you feel more like yourself then do it. This ‘doing’ part can be hard at the best of times but you must do it. (Maybe more on this later). For now, take a deep breath and look how far you’ve come. You (and me) are going to be just fine.