So you might have noticed that I haven’t posted recently, (which may explain the reason why this post is so long but bear with me) and I guess I’ve been having trouble with my ‘get up and go’. I’ll be honest, the problem is I then think about it. Like after I notice I’ve lost my GUAG (see what I did there) I start to wonder why I have lost it, and if I had it before, and why I have to make a conscious effort to find it anyway and why my hair is getting frizzier. I read somewhere that depression is when you don’t care about anything, and anxiety is where you care too much about everything. When you find you’re doing both, it’s like hell, which I can positively say is true. (Especially if you have frizzy hair on top of it)
Let me explain how it works. Take, for example, this blog. I like to write on it and obviously care about what I write and (over)think how to make it relatable so you guys will hopefully enjoy reading it and things like that. This makes me feel overwhelmed of all the things I could write about and how and I get to a point where I don’t care anymore. It’s too much, and what am I doing anyway, writing all this down for everyone and their pet hamster to read?! It’s enough to put anyone off. And it’s hard to 1, get in the mood to write, and 2. feel confident enough to put to words all these thoughts that are swimming in my mind.
Not thanks to social media, it’s like we have these pictures of ourselves of what we, and our lives should be like, and put so much pressure on being a certain way that it puts us off doing anything to make up this picture, which leaves us feeling defeated that we have let ourselves down. (AND breathe). Again, we care so much about who we want to be and what we should be doing that it makes us feel that we can’t match it. And then we dwell on that. And once you’re in this place of not even caring of what you want to be like or what new clothes to wear to add to your personality or where your life is going, it’s very VERY difficult to get out, and in my case just makes you want to lay down and hibernate.
Sometimes there are alarm bells going off in my head like ‘THIS IS BAD, YOU HAVE SLEPT ALL DAY AND NOW YOU’RE LYING DOWN AGAIN, HOW ARE YOU GOING TO MANAGE WHEN YOU GO BACK TO WORK’ and sometimes that’s enough to make me get up and go (so to speak) even if it’s going down to get a bowl of cereal to eat whilst I trawl Facebook seeing people who have visited the Taj Mahal or have done a sky dive, or have met up and had fun with long lost friends. Which surprisingly doesn’t really help. Sometimes it isn’t though, and like today, I just have to do things to wait for this unproductive mood to lift. Which is how I’m writing this (at last.)
I was gonna cover this in a separate blog post but let’s just go with it.. What is with us feeling this unnecessary need to justify our presence on social media?! It’s like we have to post every exciting thing (or not exciting as the case may be) to justify us having a Facebook or a Twitter or instagram. Like all we’re doing is creating a distorted view of our lives for other people to feel pressured by, as we make our lives seem more exciting than the last person. Add to that the looming idea of getting older and no longer being free and twenty something and you’ve got some sort of competition on who can portray the most exciting and envious life with the most likes.
Now this wouldn’t get to us if we didn’t care. But we do. We DO care. We feel the need to show everyone when we go to the theatre or jump in a waterfall to justify our presence. (Which I think I need to do by the way) And we’re all culprits. We all unknowingly or perhaps knowingly do this, because heaven forbid you actually do something exciting and don’t share the evidence to show for it. If we’re not careful, we might all be going travelling just to see how many likes we can get on our instagram page. Not because we want to go.
So going back to caring but not caring. I guess we all have our reasons for justifying our presence on social media but it is so easy to feel pressured to be exciting that it can make us not care at all. Which makes you annoyed that you don’t care when you actually do. It’s a viscous cycle.
I’m not saying I have the answer. I’m not saying don’t take a selfie at the theatre or record yourself mid skydive, just as long as you’re sharing for the right reason. Because, after all, if we didn’t inspire each other to do these things, chances are, we would never do them. (or have the GUAG)
So, I don’t have an answer for anxiety and depression related caring, (though I sure wish I did) as far as social media goes, I say care enough to want to get up and go and perhaps inspire others, but don’t care to the point of feeling to have to be more exciting than the next person. Just be.
Just a thought.
– Oh and HAPPY PANCAKE DAY.