So, this recovery I’ve mentioned. What is it exactly? I guess when you’ve been living in your head under a rock for a year, you kind of forget how it all works.. this living lark. How do people do it? They have their jobs, their friends, their principles and passions and live by them, all in a sweet synchronisation. But how? It’s all overwhelming to me. There’s a quote – “the hardest battle you’ll ever face is the one with your own mind”. Our mind controls everything. Maybe some people find it easier than others. Some people think more than others. Some people analyse more than others, all the possible situations and outcomes and compare themselves to what they should be doing in their head and it all becomes a mess. (that’s me by the way) Woah. So I guess this recovery, is working out how to live life again. Basically.
It’s maybe like riding a bike. You know, the whole idea of if you do something once then leave it for a while and come back to it, it will all come back to you. It’s something you don’t forget. Except, I fell off my bike. (I don’t even think I was even riding it properly in the first place but whatever..) Sometimes I was okay, but then I kept falling, and picking my bike up and riding again, then falling, and falling some more until in the end I gave up riding altogether. Put my bike in the garage, if you will. But now I want to get it out again. And as much as I want to ride it, the thought of it is overwhelming. How should I ride it, where should I go? What are other people doing on their bikes, where are they going and who are they riding with? What should I be doing? What if it’s raining? And here we have a dilemma. Why am I thinking it’s ok to ride my bike one day then put it in the garage and forget about it the next?? Life’s not like that. You can’t decide to not do it that day. Or maybe you can.. Maybe a recovery is all about putting your bike in the garage some days. Maybe this is ok. To say hello to the world some days but not others. After all, after a battle there’s normally casualties. And you can’t be expected to just get up and ride your bike when your leg is broken. (Well done for keeping up with with all these analogies by the way).
So maybe sometimes we do fall off our bikes. Maybe just once, maybe a few times, but the thing is, we never really forget. It might seem overwhelming at times getting back on, and you might need to take a few breaks (pun not intended by the way) but that’s the thing with bikes. You don’t even realise your riding it without stabilisers until you look back and see how far you’ve gone, how far your going. Remember the feeling? Go us. And we can be reassured by that. That we do know how to ride our bike, and we will, just like before, only better. And I don’t know about you, but I can’t wait for that moment. When you’ll look back and be like ‘hey, look at me all living and stuff’. (That’s exactly what I’ll say).
.. So obviously that’s what a recovery from mental illness is all about. Learning how to ride a bike again. – without stabilisers of course.