Sometimes at night, do you ever close your eyes and wish that all the people you’ve lost recently could come back? 
They say you can’t live in the past but it’s so difficult when that feeling, that empty hole in your stomach, the feeling that something is missing, for a second (or two) just becomes a little bit too unbearable. And you realise how lonely you are. Even when you don’t really have a reason to be. 
Not really. 
But we have to move on, even if its the mere hope that one day that hole might be filled again is the only thing that keeps us going. Or maybe we learn to just live with it. 
I’m not sure what’s worse, wanting someone back so badly that for whatever reason you can’t have, or thinking that that feeling can never be filled again by a different person, or ever. 
There will be no one to replace the love of your nanny, no boy or girl to make you feel exactly as you did before. No friend that can get you back to that place where you thought you found and called home. No matter how good a friend they may be. It’s simply not their job. 
So what’s the answer? 
I honestly don’t know. But whatever it is, we must find it ourselves. Perhaps this is what they say that makes us stronger. I guess that we can only hope. Hope that one day, that hole, the painful empty feeling at night, will eventually be forgotten. 

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